Chapter Nine: Outside

Drym waved Ashilis down as he approached the far end of his slice, where their cell was located, so he pushed his worries aside for the moment and adopted a smile.

"You look thoughtful," Drym called.

"I am," Ashilis said. "I want to get your opinion on some things before you leave."

"Ha! Good. I will listen."

Ashilis spent the next little bit explaining his plan to institute a new, organized gang in the no-man's land that was his slice. He placed special emphasis on how he wanted to introduce more people to their team.

"A fine plan," Drym said, though he didn't seem all that enthused. "How will we decide who joins?"

"Based on merit, naturally," Ashilis said. "We need people with organizational skills or those who can lead teams of others in a task. You, for example, would make an excellent leader for our guards, whereas I would probably take on a more managerial role."

Drym grunted. "It will be difficult to find this 'merit' in people here. How will we search?"

Ashilis grimaced. "Undecided. My only idea for now is to start talking to people individually."

"Dangerous," Drym said. "I will be with you for this task. For safety."

"That would mean leaving Bellavie unguarded," Ashilis said slowly. He didn't mention his other concern—that people might be less willing to talk if there was a mountain of muscle glowering at them. This way, there was a chance that Drym might willingly take a step towards letting Bellavie go.

Drym folded his arms . "Good point. Then you you will speak to them within sight of the cell."

Rot, Ashilis thought, but he smiled anyway. "Good call. From here on out, I would like to keep track of when people get their memories drained, or when someone new enters the Scarum," he said. "You managed to get me to trust you just be being there when I was dropped off. If we can do the same for others, then we can build up a larger population base."

Drym nodded. "Easy enough. Most are not released until their screaming becomes too annoying or a clever liar wants to have a new servant."

Ashilis flinched.

"Not you. You are not a liar," Drym said quickly. Was he flustered? Ashilis didn't think that the man was capable of such an emotion.

"It's okay, Drym. It is kind of manipulative to help people only because we want them to help us in return."

"Maybe. But you would have helped them anyway. It is in your blood," Drym said. "And you are not wanting to exploit them, you are wanting them to join you for a better life. These are different things."

Ashilis nodded thoughtfully. "You have a certain wisdom about you sometimes, Drym."

"You are only now realizing this?" Drym asked, chuckling. "Yes, you keep me around for more than muscle." He poked Ashilis in the head. "This is complicated. It can find the right path, but will trip itself while following it." He pointed to his own head. "This knows to look out for rocks when it walks."

Ashilis smiled, though he wasn't entirely sure what Drym meant. "Any other input for the plan?"

"Yes. Speak about these things away from the evil one next time."

So much for progress. "I really don't think she's as bad as you say," Ashilis said. "Maybe she's tricked us in the past, but we're all prisoners here and we all do things to look out for ourselves first and foremost. I'm not holding a grudge against the girl that tripped me on the first day, so I don't see why we should keep her trapped here."

"No," Drym said, though he wouldn't meet Ashilis' eyes.

"She's been nothing but helpful so far. Even if she was just trying to use us to escape her chains, is that so bad? She just wants freedom, like all of us."

Drym frowned. "There is another reason you need me. I prevent you from doing the stupid thing just because it is also the nice thing. She is evil. She cannot be trusted," Drym half-snarled. He marched away before Ashilis could get out a retort.

Ashilis sighed, leaning up against the wall beside the door. "Watches out for the rocks indeed," he murmured.

"She can defend herself, you know," Bellavie said from inside the cell after a minute or so had passed. Once she was sure that Drym was far enough away not to hear, Ashilis mused.

"Sure, but I figured she wouldn't want to be accused of eavesdropping. Drym doesn't need any more reasons to keep you locked up."

"Thank you," Bellavie said softly.

Ashilis opened his mouth to respond, but found that he had no words to say. That simple bit of sincerity felt alien to him, and probably to Bellavie as well. She didn't seem interested in conversation anymore, and Ashilis didn't want to push her now that he knew the truth about her condition. He was surprised that she was even still alive, and his mind raced for the best way to help. He came up frustratingly blank. She was thin, so she should eat. That was all he could manage, and something about that felt profoundly wrong.

There wasn't anything he could do about it until Drym got back with the food, though, so Ashilis turned his attention to other matters. Part of his plan hinged on new people arriving,  but he couldn't predict when someone else would enter the Scarum—frankly, he couldn't be sure that anyone ever would.

Ashilis caught on that thought. Enter the Scarum, he mused. Enter from where?

His mind began to whirl, a realization and its consequences cascading into clarity in a single moment. Thus far, Ashilis hadn't stopped to think in abstract terms. He needed concrete answers, so he asked questions with concrete answers. Where was he, who were these people, what was his next step? That seemed to be the most important, and perhaps they still were, but Ashilis thought that the Vicarts had taken everything from him.

That wasn't true. His regular memories were gone, yes, but Ashilis knew his own name even before Drym reminded him. He knew what it meant to be a captive, and what his manacles were. He knew that he was being taken to a cell before he arrived there, and there had been dozens of moments where his body acted without needing to consult his mind first. He had no memory of being taught any of these things, but he obviously still knew them. There were ideas, words and their definitions within his mind that he could know without remembering, and if he didn't have to remember it, then the Vicarts might not be able to take them from him.

Then again, he had occasionally noticed other prisoners using words that he didn't know. Was that because Ashilis never had as robust of a vocabulary, or had he lost words and their meanings? If that was the case, how much longer could he last? He knew the floor, the walls, the ceiling, mushrooms, friends, enemies, anger, cooking, stone, prisons... How many did he lose with each draining? How long until he couldn't form complete thoughts anymore? Could he withstand actually knowing nothing?

Ashilis jerked his thoughts away from his impending loss of knowledge, circling back to the idea that triggered this revelation in the first place: people entered the Scarum. To do that, they have to come from somewhere else. There were places other than the Scarum. It was such a simple concept that Ashilis felt like a rotting fool for not having noticed it before now.

His next conclusion felt obvious—familiar, even. If there were other places, then Ashilis might be able to go there. He might be able to escape the Scarum and avoid further damage to his mind. Another element of the nebulous plan clicked into place. He wanted to escape, and Ashilis had made an attempt before. That must be why the man who dragged him back to the Scarum was afraid of him. Not only had Ashilis tried to get out, he must have almost done it.

He eyed the Scarum's exit, barely twenty feet from his cell. To most prisoners, Ashilis included, that door was a representation of their fears. Behind it, oblivion lurks. Ashilis felt some of that fear as well, but he was beginning to see it in a new light now. Beyond that door was a hallway and a room with white carpet. After that, Ashilis didn't know. He knew about things like grass and snow, mountains and oceans, but he had no clear image of what they looked like. Were they out there? Was life beyond the door good, or was it somehow worse than the Scarum?

Ashilis set his jaw. It didn't matter. The outside could be constantly ablaze, full of monsters, or torn apart by war. Ashilis would accept anything to get away from these stone walls and floors, to try foods other than mushrooms, and to experience sunlight. He would march into Zix's own heart for the sheer novelty of the experience. No cost too great for freedom.

Drym returned short time after Ashilis came to his conclusion, arms full of freshly cooked morogrib. The man always managed his food runs much faster than Ashilis did. He leaned up against the wall beside Ashilis and held out a mushroom. Ashilis accepted it, but didn't start eating immediately, despite the way his stomach rumbled at the scent. He continued staring at the door, imagining what could be beyond it.

"You are quiet," Drym said. "So you are thinking. About the plan, I hope."

"What's out there?" Ashilis whispered.

"So you are!" Drym dropped their food into a pile on the floor so he could seize Ashilis by the shoulders. "It is about time you think about this. The plan is never good when I try to tell you what it is."

Drym's grip shook Ashilis out of his trance. He turned to look at the big man, eyebrows furrowed. "What do mean by 'never good?'"

"Has not worked once," Drym said flatly.

Ashilis scrunched up his face. "Of all the baffling—of course it didn't hasn't worked. If it had, we would be out of here!"

Drym shrugged. "Better to be safe than to be sorry. You plan better when you think on your own, so I will not be helping with the plan this time. Maybe next time I will try something new."

"How many times have we attempted this?" Ashilis asked. He worried that he already knew the answer.

"Many. I do not know the exact number. It is surprising that the Vicarts do not simply kill us. They take you for memory eating more often than most, though. Maybe that is punishment enough."

Ashilis grimaced. "Well, this time will be different."

"Yes, that is what you have said. It always is different, too. Different kind of failure."

"I... can't refute that," Ashilis said. "But we'll figure something out—or I suppose I will if you're dead set on not helping." He started pacing. "We'll definitely need more people." Ashilis came to a halt, then turned to face Drym, his jaw set. "People like Bellavie."

"No-" Drym began.

"Drym. Think what you want about her character, but her skillset is invaluable for what we're planning."

"Ashilis, we have tried this before."

"How many times? And how many times have we failed without her?" Ashilis gripped Drym's forearm, forcing the man to look him in the eyes. "If this plan is even half as difficult as I expect it will be, we will need every possible advantage, even the risky ones. No half measures."

Drym scowled, the muscles of his jaw workings as if he was physically biting back his words, then he looked away. "I do not like this. I do not like her."

"I'm not asking you to," Ashilis said, softening his tone. "But I do need you to be okay with it. Talk to me. Let's work through your reservations with the idea."

Drym was silent for a long moment, still refusing to meet Ashilis' eyes. "She has betrayed us before. She will do it again if it benefits her," he eventually said.

"Then we make sure it's within her best interests to stick with us."

"She will manipulate you," Drym snarled, a few bubbles of Anger rising at his feet. "She is too clever."

"Pretty sure I have a handle on how it feels when she influences me now," Ashilis said, quiet enough that Bellavie shouldn't be able to hear over the general hubbub of the Sacrum. "I'll be vigilant."

"But you will never be sure."

"You keep me in check, then." Ashilis squeezed his arm, finally making Drym meet his eyes again. "Be my reminder. I promise I'll listen."

Drym snorted. "Yes, it is true that I do have practice with making you remember things." He set his jaw, then gave Ashilis a curt nod. "Fine, fine, stubborn man. I told you that I would trust you, so I will. Just do not cry to me when I am right."

Ashilis flashed him a fierce smile, releasing his arm. "In that case, I give you every permission to smugly tell me how much of a fool I am."

"Do not say such things, my friend. I do not want to be the fool who follows a fool." Drym returned to his mushrooms, giving them a quick count to ensure no scavengers took advantage of their conversation. Satisfied, he tossed one to Ashilis.

Ashilis caught the still-warm mushroom and turned to face the cell. He hesitated then, wondering if this was truly the right thing to do. Ironically, that doubt was the assurance he needed. It Bellavie wasn't manipulating him.

"Bellavie? I'm going to open the door now. You might want to step back."

She flinched. How had he known? She had tucked herself into the corner, where they would only be able to see her if they were at just the right angle. Sheepishly, she shuffled to the opposite side of the room and looked away from the door. A moment later, she heard the door open, and the little hitch in Ashilis' breath as he saw her trembling in the corner.

Bellavie hoped that he would know that her shaking was from muscle fatigue, and certainly not from anything silly like fear or relief. Not when she had every confidence that Ashilis would choose to free her. She had spent so long expertly charming him, and the man was too soft-hearted for his own good, after all. That was why she didn't twist his thoughts, after all. Because she was confident.

Bellavie glanced at him through watery eyes. "You're not exactly pretty either, you know. Practically more dirt than man," she said, voice trembling.

Ashilis flashed her a smile that almost made her regret her words and stepped to the side. Then, in that infuriatingly gentle tone of his, he said the most beautiful words Bellavie had heard in what felt like a lifetime.

"Come outside, Bellavie."