“Really?” I say into the phone receiver. “Oh no. Your poor family… You talked to her? … She said it would end? … How’s your score? … That’s awful … I know they play together … No, my score is fine…” I look down at my wrist and see the 92.70 LM score. “Well I know they're almost old enough to go to Camp Tarnak. I was already planning on sending Zith, but this just proves it for me.” I look over and see my son walk in through the front door, tossing his bag aside. “Oh, he just walked in, I gotta go. Varkh Etern!”
He walks past me and into his room and I go through his bag to determine if there has been any cross contamination. His books all look normal, but then I see it. An intricately folded note from Lyra, I take the time to unfold it and read its contents. “Zith, I don't understand this bio question. Can you help me?”
My mind races with what that impure girl could have been talking about. I crush the paper in my fist and head off to his room. “How was school today?”
He doesn’t answer beyond a simple grunt, but I remain undeterred. “Did anything happen at school today?” I attempt to have him come forward with the truth himself. But again he says nothing. “You will answer me when I speak to you Zith!”
I stood by the door, and he turned to look at me, his head tilted. “Don’t look at me like a umbric pup! I raised you better than that! Now come, sit at the table with me.” He just freezes. “Come here! I’m not going to yell at you, I just wanted to talk. I heard Lyra got in trouble at school today.”
He finally comes over and sits down. I grab his hands and cradle them gently. “Be honest with me. How do you feel about Umbrics?”
He looks confused, “I mean, I get we shouldn't talk about them. I just don't understand why.” He speaks like he’s trying to figure out the right words.
I glance at my wrist, and see my 92.68 score. My jaw tightens as I prepare what I’m going to say next. “This is serious. You don't understand why? Why what?”
“Why, if they're so evil, are they everywhere?” He now looks serious.
I let go of his arm with one hand and reach over to grab the Camp Tarnak pamphlet. “I’m going to be sending you here for a deca-cycle Zith.” A look of fear flashes across his eyes and he opens his mouth as if he’s about to protest. “You will do this Zith, or you will not be allowed back at school. Do you understand me?”
He lowers his head. “Yes, mother.” I pat his hand and send him to his room. I did the right thing. He will learn how to properly care for the Ascendancy before himself. This is my duty.
This is chilling in the best way, your worldbuilding is so subtle that the indoctrination feels normal until it suddenly doesn’t. The score system, the pamphlet, the mother’s calm cruelty… it’s terrifying because it’s quiet and believable. I’m still thinking about that folded note.
Thanks, I wanted to try and find a way that my evil empire would believably control every aspect of civilian life and successfully indoctrinate children. So giving the state a glamorous surface, gives citizens a reason to accept the control of the score. And the Score forces the citizens to police each other. rather than rely on a state surveillance network. And the camp feels like a natural extension of that indoctrination, as through history evil empires would create a space where children can be separated from their familial comfort zones, in favor of a ***geneous state culture. Thanks for checking out the book. Hope you check back on the universe.
Yeah the way you made the indoctrination feel normal until it suddenly isn’t really stuck with me. I love how subtle details, like the pamphlet and the score, make the world feel lived in. Did you have any particular real world inspirations for how the state exerts control, or did it all come from your own ideas?
I wanted something that would essentially gamify the control. I had the idea for a metric that essentially allows neighbors to report on each other, along with public displays that broadcast each citizens score. that way even if a person was trying to keep their lives private, it would still be the one aspect that everyone would be able to see. I didn't really have an inspiration beyond some of those apps that try to gamify exercise or reading, by comparing with friends, essentially turning a persons solo activity into a competition. I found out later that China had something similar it tried to implement, a social credit score for government employees. As for the indoctrination camps, I was inspired by the real world youth groups in Nazi Germany and Stalin USSR. where they would separate children from family and teach them benevolence to the state first. The result ended up being a paranoid populace where even familial love can be weaponized for the state.
Wow that makes a lot of sense, gamifying control is such a chillingly clever concept. I can definitely see how public scores and neighbor reporting would make people constantly policing themselves. It’s interesting how you drew on real world examples but gave it your own twist. Do you find that researching those historical examples ever changes the story’s direction, or do you mostly use them as a reference point?
Typically they are just a reference point for me. my goal is to try and understand what a person would give up for order. So really, I'm trying to understand the mindset of a person who has accepted and integrated the control over their entire lives. Not everyone that lives in an evil empire is overtly evil, a lot of them are just comfortable and scared of change. and some people are willing to give up a lot to keep stability and order.
That’s such an interesting way to explore it, honestly. I’m really enjoying this discussion, if you’re up for it, we could continue chatting on Discord, Tumblr or somewhere else that’s easier to talk?
I just added, you can delete it now, just for the safe side : )